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¿Qué Onda Vos? A Series on Speaking Guatemalan Spanish

“¿Qué onda vos?” is XelaWho’s a monthly guide to speaking Spanish Guatemalan style. This month’s topic: bathroom Spanish by James Gray.

I don’t know about your Spanish teacher, but mine was a proper grandmotherly type who felt uncomfortable discussing topics like taking a leak in Spanish. In contrast, we at XelaWho, as you can tell, are very curious and a little twisted, so we’ll talk about anything. One of our core missions here at the magazine is to help you master your not-in-the-dictionary-Spanish, and in that spirit we present you with this month’s topic: bathroom Spanish.

Using the bathroom

A simple way to say you need the facilities is: Necesito ir al baño (I need to go to the bathroom.)

Talking about pee, from the innocent to the vulgar

Voy a orinar/Ya me orino – Literally means “I am going to urinate”, sounds rather clinical as in English. However, guys, if you are at a public toilet and you only need to pee and want to pay less just to use the urinal, simply say “Solo orinar” as you enter.

Voy a hacer pipí – Means “I am going to pee”, innocent enough to use with kids

Voy a hacer del uno – “I am going to make/go #1”, women feel OK saying this one

Voy a hacer aguas – “I am going to make waters.” Still tame.

Voy a regar el arbolito – Literally “I am going to water the little tree,” is just a little stronger than the above but still innocent.

Me voy a echar una araña – Literally “I am going to toss out a spider.” Now we’re starting to get a little bit vulgar.

Voy a hacer chichí – When guys are in a group and no ladies are around.

Voy a echar una mimiada – Also for the guys on vos basis.

Voy a hacer miado(s) – You’ll hear this in the streets but don’t use with your significant other!

Voy a mear – Probably the most vulgar way to say you’ve got to pee.

Talking about poop, from the innocent to the vulgar

Voy a hacer popis/popó/pópo – A polite way to say you need to go #2, e.g. with kids.

Voy a hacer número dos/Voy a hacer del dos -“I’m going to go make/go #2”, still pretty tame

Voy a liberar a Willy – “I’m going to free Willy”, (as in the movie about the big whale).

Voy al cien – “I am going to 100.” Who knows the rationale behind this one, but people say it.

Voy a ensuciar – “I am going to get dirty.”

Voy a hacer caca – Starting to get vulgar. Cuidado, don’t say this to your host mom!

Voy a cagar – A very vulgar way to say you have to poop.

Farting

¿Quién echó un pedo? – Literally “Who tossed a fart” but means “Who farted?”

Me voy a ventosear – “I’m going to unplug myself”. Funny way to say you ‘re going to fart.

Voy a hacer/echarme un sordo – “I am going to make/toss a blind one.”

Voy a tirarme uno – “I am going to throw one.”

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