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Fashion Police: A Column From 2006

Badges on Backbacks, October 2006

Darlings, I don’t know quite how to say this, so I’m going to put it as plainly as I can. I’m hanging up the diamante-encrusted kid leather holster and custom-designed Fabergé badge and sashaying off into the sunset. Put another way, I’m getting out of the Fashion Police business.
We’ve had some good times, pumpkins. And when I look around and see you folks in unripped jeans, freshly showered, wearing shoes, dreadlock free, without Mayan fabrics, mullets or camel toes, surviving (somehow) without your utility belts and wearing either socks OR sandals, I know my work here is done. Before I go, though, could somebody please, please explain to me what the freak is going on with all these…Badges on Backbacks.

Sugarplums, I think it’s an understatement to say that we give not a fig where you come from, and care much, much less where you’ve been. In fact, I have a saying: There’s nothing more pathetic than a lame boast. If you’ve been to 160 countries, your backpack is probably badge-worthy. 50? Maybe. But four? Oh, please…

And while I’m here, a special shout out to my Canadian friends:
IT’S NOT GOING TO MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE IF PEOPLE THINK YOU’RE NORTH AMERICAN OR NORTH, NORTH AMERICAN. IF YOU’RE GOING TO GET MUGGED, YOU’RE GOING TO GET MUGGED. IT DOESN’T HAPPEN BASED ON NATIONALITY.

So what’s with all the mandatory Canadian Flag on backpack thing? Do they not let you out of the country without one?

Something to ponder, sugarplums. Besos, and I’ll see you on the catwalk.

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