CSI: XELA TO BEGIN FILMING NEXT MONTH

Quetzaltenango, Jul 23 – Filming is set to begin on the television series CSI: Xela in early September, according to industry sources.

The forensic detective series is one of the most-watched franchises in the world, with over 60 million viewers tuning in to any or all of CSI: Las Vegas, New York or Miami.

Series producer Jerry Bruckheimer explained that a Quetzaltenango version of the show was the next logical step.

“We like to base our storylines on slightly offbeat, real life crimes. Flicking through a copy of Al Día, you can read about heads found in shopping bags, serial baby sellers and throwback village lynchings all in one day – there’s enough bizarre, gory crap going on around here to give us material for years to come.”

Bruckheimer went on to explain that the format of the show would have to be tweaked slightly to suit local conditions.

“The existing shows rely heavily on exhaustive investigation and high-tech forensic analysis to catch the bad guys. Being that Guatemala doesn’t even have DNA testing facilities, CSI: Xela storylines are more likely to revolve around a couple of detectives kicking dirt around a vacant lot for a while before going off to get churrascos.”

Later, he explained, the culprits would be captured by pure chance at random highway checkpoints.

“We envision that each episode will probably last about 15 minutes.”

The show follows hot on the heels of the runaway success Survivor: Xela in which contestants attempted such feats as crossing Central Park without somebody offering to shine their tennis shoes and negotiating a taxi fare for a similar price or less than they would pay in downtown Rome.

INGUAT, Guatemala’s national tourism body, has been customarily enthusiastic in its support for Bruckheimer’s project. “Xela?” asked an INGUAT spokesperson, “Wait… don’t tell me… it’s kind of near Tikal, right?”

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