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XelaWho by Issue

18 Ways to Tell if You’re Guatemalan

guatemala_flagLocals and adopted guatemaltecos alike, you know who you are. But just to be sure, we’ve devised a little test so you can request your official certificate. You know you’re Guatemalan if…

  • You love getting certificates.
  • You tie every single plastic bag you get close to.
  • You think that the more salt a dish has the better it tastes.
  • You tear up at the sound of the flip-flap sound of women making tortillas.
  • You can’t go more than one day without eating tortillas. And don’t get you started on frijoles!
  • You think a car from the 1980s is just getting broken in.
  • You go postal at the idea of someone not dropping everything to answer your phone call.
  • You can’t imagine recharging your cell phone with more than Q10…because of course they’ll call you back if you run out of saldo.
  • When you see a friend, you ask him/her three times in a row “¿Como estás?” even after they’ve already answered your question.
  • You respond cheerfully and sincerely to a greeting from any stranger, even if you’re a hardened criminal.
  • If you’re a chapin, you will only ride a mountain bike. If you’re a chapina, you wouldn’t think of ever riding a bike.
  • You think seatbelts are totally unnecessary because the Big Guy upstairs has this super magic bubble repellant force thing goin’ on around your car.
  • You draw out conversations when you can tell that the other person is in a hurry.
  • You think nothing of breaking into song (in public) upon hearing any hopelessly tacky old love song.
  • You assume that the ‘100-year plan’ is a perfectly reasonable debt repayment option.
  • You believe that the volume of the music blaring outside of a store is directly proportional to the incredible deals being offered inside.
  • Outside of a car you’re the epitome of grace, manners and kindness. But get you behind the wheel of a car and…well, you are a different species, puro Nuevo Yorquino.

And of course you know you’re oh so Guatemalan if…you manage to maintain your pride, dignity and generous spirit despite all the challenges that life in this country throws at you. Felicidades!

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