August 2010 Issue: 2010’s Hottest Parasites
Have you climbed Volcan Santa Maria? Good. What about haggled for food at the market? Well done. Are you getting close to bilingual? Excellent. What do you need to make your Guatemala experience memorable? Unless you’ve caught that hot new parasite that everyone’s been talking about, your time in Xela is not yet complete.
Let’s start with what’s out: hongos. Now, we ain’t doctors, but hongos (translated literally as fungus) is entirely passé, and sounds more like an ailment that a dog would get than a human being. When we were looking back on the “Hongo-Mania” fashion spread in last year’s February 2009 issue all we could say was “What were we thinking?” Clearly, this ailment is no longer en vogue.
Food-borne illness is always a good way to make a splash—especially if that splash involves non-stop vomiting into the nearest receptacle. However, this is a relatively safe parasite to be getting into. There are only so many times that you can get a food-borne illness before it becomes cliché and unappealing. Two food-borne illnesses in a row denote an extreme lack of creativity. Your illness repertoire may be getting a little stale if this is what you are resorting to.
For 2010, the trendsetters everywhere are talking about getting amoebas. Less desperate than a flesh-eating virus, more refined than Dengue Fever, amoebas are just the touch that you need to spice up your life and your intestines. Amoebas can be found just about anywhere, yet are unknown enough that they still project a rebel flair.
While an amoeba might keep you away from the bar scene—alcohol and prescription medication don’t mix—your friends will look at you with admiration and wonder as you sip a Coke. What you’ll lack in party time will more than be made up for with the swoons of all the scenesters who want to bag an Amoeba Boy or Amoeba Girl in an attempt to get in on the trend.
We also have to turn to a XelaWho classic: explosive diarrhea. This timeless symptom will have fashionistas tripping all over themselves with envy. At a recent fashion show at a 3 X 10 taqueria we saw a number of great new looks as models catwalked to the bathroom. All we can say is that explosive diarrhea is hot, and if combined with amoebas you’ll have a sexy coupling that you’ll never forget.