World in Briefs: More News, Less Reading
Here’s the nutty news for August, 2010. Among other things, divers who were excavating a shipwreck in the Baltic Sea have discovered a cache of what is thought to be the oldest champagne known to man.
The “Mosquito” has been ruled unconstitutional by the European Court of Human Rights. Invented by a Welshman in 2005, this device emits a high-pitched noise that supposedly only teenagers can hear, thus driving away loiterers and reducing shoplifting. The court ruled recently that this device violated the human rights of shoppers because it constituted torture. Following the ruling, the device will no longer be available for sale within the European Union.
Divers who were excavating a shipwreck in the Baltic Sea have discovered a cache of what is thought to be the oldest champagne known to man. To celebrate their find, they opened a 200-year old bottle; expecting to find spoiled wine, they were pleasantly surprised to find perfectly preserved champagne that tasted like “tasted fantastic, with a sweet taste of tobacco and oak” according to diver Christian Ekstrom. The previous oldest bottle of champagne was a mere 180 years old. Bottles are expected to fetch $65,000 at auction.
Christian Hernandez’s brief bullfighting career did not go as planned, when in the opening seconds of his debut match he ran away trembling from the ring. After event organizers coaxed him back into the ring, he then ran away for a second time. Despite Hernandez’s candid self-assessment (“I was afraid; I didn’t have the balls”) he was arrested by police for breech of contract. Only after paying a small fine to event organizers was he released from jail.
Detective David Boruchowitz held a recent press conference to announce the arrest of Detective David Boruchowitz for theft. After announcing his own arrest, the detective then continued to say that the officer who would be in charge of the investigation would be none other than Detective David Boruchowitz. Three days later Detective Boruchowitz cleared Detective Boruchowitz in all crimes related to the Boruchowitz theft. This announcement was made to the press corps three days later by a sheepish Boruchowitz underling.