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Ask Dr. Sabelotodo: Fireworks

Dear Dr. Sabeletodo,
I keep getting woken up by fireworks going off in the early morning. Am I missing some sort of national celebration?
-Culturally Aware

Dear Party Pooper,
Fear not. If there were a national celebration going on you, would be waking up with the feeling that you had been teleported to the Israeli-Lebanese border. Most baffling to the good doctor are the 5am Mothers’ Day fireworks. In the quaint, conservative country where I come from, Mothers’ Day usually means breakfast in bed for the old dear, some flowers, maybe a present. Here we like to get things cooking with a round of pre-dawn wall-shakers. Just to show our appreciation for dear old ma, you understand.
Anyway. Those random, isolated explosions that you are hearing are just a bit of fun. And really, given the grinding poverty and questionable air quality here, what better way to use your disposable income than by filling the air with acrid smoke?

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