CHICKEN BUS DRIVER FIRED FOR DRIVING TOO SLOWLY, SOBER
Siemprespacio pointed out that these were neither Lentemente’s first, nor only violations. He has also been cited for failing to stop for passengers on the roadside when the bus was, as he put it, “full.” “We at Xelaju Chicken Buses, Inc. believe that when there’s no room, it’s our job to make it” commented Siemprespacio. The company was kind enough to share with us the formula it uses for bus capacity: (C = 4N + X), with C representing capacity, N the number of benches and X the number of additional people on the roadside who want a ride – generally somewhere between 8 and a gajillion.
Siemprespacio explained that filling each bus to capacity helps create a family atmosphere. He added, “If sitting on the lap of a campesino while simultaneously helping diagnose an oozing rash on a nearby passenger and breastfeed a Quiche baby isn’t an ice-breaker, I don’t know what is.” Siemprespacio also responded to criticisms of his company’s mandatory alcohol requirement. “Tossing back a few Gallos before driving is a crucial aspect of the job,” he replied. “How can one make blind passes on twisting, steep mountain roads without an artificially-inflated set of huevos?”
We at XelaWho can’t help but agree. As the saying in Guatemala goes, ‘he who hesitates is (knocked off of a cliff by an oncoming 16-wheeler and subsequently) lost.’