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XelaWho by Issue

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Stuff: Some of the information you just can’t do without, plus a whole lot of filler

You Shoulda Been There

The Xela Xmas Parade

Being that we’re devout observers of most Cristo-capitalist rituals and that it passes a block from the office, the XelaWho team are regular attendees at the desfile navideño. It’s a mildly interesting hour or so and this year was no exception.

We had the extremely low-rent floats parade (Megapaca? Rayovac batteries? Really?), the Slutty Santas and the marching bands whose members appeared to be playing the same song, just all in different keys. Standard stuff.

But we are pleased to announce that we did quite well on the Free Stuff Tossed from the Back of Pickup Trucks count this year, having scored several pieces of dubious candy, a sample pack of Ariel clothes detergent and a pen from Banrural, possibly to use instead of the ones that aren’t at the end of the empty piece of string at the counters in their branches. Merry Xmas, Banrural – you really are the bank of the people.

And all the festivities got us thinking – maybe next year XelaWho will have a float, too. All we need to do is paint “Feliz Navidad” on the company pickup in white shoe polish, get some sullen youths to hang off the back for no apparent reason and crank the sound system to just beyond distortion levels. The planning committee is currently forming, if you’re interested.

thumbs-up-popppingP o p p i n g

Semaforo Frenzy

We admit that our understanding of the mechanics behind the process may be somewhat fuzzy, but it seems to us that somebody scattered a bunch of traffic light seeds around town and they sprouted with the recent rains. We count 10 intersections around Xela with new traffic lights, probably tripling the number currently operating.

thumbs-down-floppingF lo p p i n g

Shootouts

It’s understood: pistols are as much a fashion accessory as a weapon of choice here – banks and discos have special lockers where you can stash your piece before entering and guys have been seen packing heat in such life-threatening situations as kids’ birthday parties and the supermarket, but fellas: just ‘cos you got ’em, doesn’t mean you have to use ’em.

Recent shootouts in the Central Park, Calvario and a driveby just out of town took Xela by surprise, where the standard Saturday night drama doesn’t usually get any heavier than a bit of fisticuffs or the occasional machete showdown. Those of us who are yet to add Kevlar to our wardrobe are hoping it’s just a statistical blip.

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