The Campaign

by Elena Alvarado

Now that the campaign season is upon us, your XelaWho is providing monthly updates.  We are trying our best to provide the most in-depth information without being murdered for reporting on the truth.  Make sure to check this space out for a mix of jokes, lies and propaganda.   This month, we’re focusing on political slogans.

CREO: The CREO party is using the slogan “Suger es diferente” to promote its candidate, Eduardo Suger.  This slogan was actually stolen from a Diet Coke campaign in the 1980’s, which is why it looks as if Suger’s head has been photoshopped onto a can of Coke in the CREO billboards.  Also, it appears that nobody told him that using the Hitler salute in your billboards is a bad idea.

LIDER: Manuel Baldizon, the guy who is looking off-camera in every single billboard appears to have thought up all his slogans while intoxicated and reading Mao’s Little Red Book.  Among LIDER’s gems are “Without lies and without promises we will make a revolution” and “Only the people will save the people”.  Jury’s out on whether or not “Brute force and harmonious love will make Guatemala a paradise” is coming next.

Partido Patriota: 2007’s slogan “Kill and eat the poor” did not go over particularly well at the polls.  Therefore, the much more enigmatic “I love Guatemala and I am a patriot.” was chosen for this year’s campaign.  Patriota has taken on the much-used right wing philosophy of being intentionally vague about your horrifying plans.

UNE: “Merlín used to work on the streets, now she’s in school” claim a number of billboards around the country.  The Prensa Libre, however, determined that these were lies and what should have been written was “Merlín was never on the streets, and here is her picture.”  Considering that this is Sandra Torres’ party she will probably insist it is her human right to use these deceptive billboards.*

Partido XelaWho: “We will steal your money”.  The Partido XelaWho is known as a paragon of honesty.  Will we run the economy into the ground?  Yes.  Will we steal millions of dollars?  Yes.  Will we try to hide this from the populace?  No.  Guatemala is ready for a political party that openly loots the treasury, instead of one that does it behind closed doors.

*For context to this joke, see this video.  Basically, Sandra repeats 10,000 times that it’s her human right to run for president despite being in violation of the constitution.

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