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World in Briefs

Here at XelaWho we take our hard hitting journalism seriously, which is why we scour the world for useless news, saving you from wasting your own valuable time on such pursuits.

France

Last month, it became clear that the European financial crisis was much more far reaching than previously thought as it delayed a trip to France by two Chinese panda bears. The two pandas are bound for a Beauval zoo but European debt problems so dominated the recent G20 summit that, according to the French Ecology Minister, the presidents of China and France had no time finalize the pandas’ visit. No reaction from the pandas was reported.

Poland

Singer Paul Anka will be keeping the promise he made to reschedule a concert that was cancelled in the wake of US President John Kennedy’s assassination. A mere 48 years after the original date, he will perform a make-up concert in Warsaw. Anka was one of the first western singers permitted to perform behind the Iron Curtain; one has to wonder if perhaps Polish musical tastes have since moved on. No word yet if the original concert tickets will be honored.

Ukraine

Darth Vader made an appearance at a local City Hall to demand a plot of land on which to park his spaceship. He declared that he was anticipating receiving land within 30 days as “the Mayor and many deputies are with the Dark Side.” While Mr. Vader did not disclose where the spaceship would be kept in the meantime, a town spokesman contradicted his claim noting that “there are only Princess Leias here.”

Italy

A photo of Pope Benedict french-kissing a Muslim Imam will be withdrawn after the Vatican promised to take legal action to prevent its distribution. The image, a photo montage, was part of a series of advertisements by the clothing company Benetton. Other images from the campaign show US President Barack Obama kissing Venezuelan leader Hugo Chavez. A spokesman for the Pope said “this is a grave lack of respect for the pope”; no comment yet from Chavez’s office.

United States

A mother has been arrested after letting her 9 year old son drive the family car to school. She didn’t help her case by explaining that it wasn’t a big deal because her son was an experienced driver- he’s been behind the wheel since the age of 5. According to police, he had been bugging the mother to let him drive to school, where he pulled into the parking lot one morning with mom in the passenger’s seat.

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