World In Briefs

Here at XelaWho we take our hard hitting journalism seriously, which is why we scour the world for completely useless news- just another way we save you from having to waste your own valuable time on such pursuits.

China

Engineers have created a self cleaning shirt. The special cotton cleans and deodorizes itself when exposed to sunlight; according to the findings announced in the latest issue of Applied Materials and Interfaces (but you probably already knew that). Based on a common chemical that has been used a wide variety of cleaning products, the shirt promises to be a real boon for countries with large numbers of smelly travelers.

United States

A light saber wielding mad man on a rampage at Portland, Oregon Toys R Us was finally detained by police after an extended face-off. Initially, officers ordered the man to lay down the (toy) light saber he was wildly waving. After he failed to respond to their instructions, police attempted to use a Taser on the man but he was able to use the light saber(!) to deflect the Taser blasts. None of the victims of the light saber attacks required medical attention.

Kyrgyzstan

Prison inmates have gone on hunger strike to protest new rules barring them from being visited prostitutes. The new policy only allows visits by relatives with identity cards proving their familial relationship with the prisoners.

The North Pole

Climbing prices for turtle doves, pear trees and partridges sent the cost buying every item in the carol The Twelve Days of Christmas soaring. To buy the 364 items repeated across all the song’s verses would cost over US$100,000.

Germany

Charges have been filed against the Pope for failing to wear a seatbelt while being driven in the Popemobile on recent a visit to the country. Lawyers in the city of Dortmund must now decide if the Pope, a German, should be given diplomatic immunity in his role as the head of the Vatican.

United States

After taking a couple hostage in their home, a kidnapper is suing them for breach of promise.  A Kansas man sequestered the Topeka couple in their home while fleeing authorities, but his suit claims the hostages broke an oral contract to hide him in exchange for money. The couple has asked the court to dismiss the suit.

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