P o p p i n g
Going for Gold
The 2015 Pan American Games have got off to a cracking start for Guatemala so far. At the time of writing we’re only just over half way through and Guatemala have already won a whopping 6 gold medals, placing them eighth in the Gold Medal League table and only two medals away from beating their all time record of 7 in the Guadalajara Games in 2011. Guatemala have emerged as champions in Badminton, Gymnastics, the Pentathlon, Shooting and Sailing (which we didn’t even know existed in Guatemala).
Just don’t mention the fact that the United States are racing ahead with 65 gold medals already. Although, that’s not really a fair comparison in our opinion: it’s a bit like putting Xelajú MC up against Real Madrid and then trying to claim it´s a fair match because “they´re both city football teams.”
F lo p p i n g
We like August, but if we´re going to be totally honest it´s really just a month for counting down the days until the fun-times begin next month. September´s our favourite month of the year, not only because we get to be lazy and skip writing our monthly editorial by copying & pasting the same article that we´ve used for last ten years in the name of “tradition”, but also because we´re allowed to party all night on the 14th and go to the funfair to have a go on the almost-safe rides with the hope of living to tell the tale.
Well, things are not looking up the Xelafer 2015 so far. Despite being allocated over Q2 million in funding for 2015, the CEFEMERQ site is currently covered with rubbish and equipped with dodgy and damaged infrastructure. Apparently, the Municipal Commission in charge of this claims they will “repair the infrastructure so that it´s ready for the celebrations.” Lacking, however, were explanations as to why, with less than 60 days to go until the Feria, they still hadn´t even started.
GET SHORTY (AGAIN)
Just 16 months ago, we wrote an editorial about the much heralded capture of Joaquín “El Chapo” Guzmán, considered the “most powerful drug trafficker in the world” by the US State Department. We finished the article by wondering “what inventive tactic he uses to escape prison this time”, given that the last time he was locked up in a “maximum security” prison he succeeded in escaping by hiding in a laundry basket.
On the 11th of July our question was answered, when El Chapo (which means “Shorty”) escaped from his second “high security” prison, The Altiplano, with an escape plan so audacious it makes Andy Dufresne look like an amateur. Guzmán also escaped via a tunnel but, never one to do things by halves, his one was 1.5 km long, 1.7 metres high & 10 metres underground; so deep it needed air ducts and so long it needed a motorbike to carry El Chapo to the safe-house.
After the escape, General Jorge Carrillo who designed the prison, went on to claim that the Altiplano is “impossible to penetrate” because the “installation is impregnable.” It looks like Carrillo may need a dictionary for Christmas, because we´re pretty sure that when a prison is “impregnable” and “impossible to penetrate” it means that no-one can escape.
Still, it´s not all bad news. On a Twitter account supposedly linked to the big man himself, El Chapo swiftly went on to threaten to make Donald Trump “eat his fucking words” over his slanderous comments about Mexicans. Trump better get a move on if he wants to protect himself from these dangerous drug lords by building that huge wall on the Mexican border that he´s so fond of talking about. Because, of course, it would never occur to such simpleminded Mexicans to just dig a tunnel underneath it.