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About a year ago, Xelawho ran a story about the upcoming Utz Ulew mall — a gilded tower we called a “behemoth” and predicted would compete with Walmart for the title of “sparkliest, most vacuous place in Xela.” Since then, we’ve compared it to the tower of Babel and speculated more than once on whether it’d ever be finished.

The moment might finally be here. After a year of furious palm-greasing, corruption-charge dodging, and extended lunch-breaking, Utz Ulew is nearing completion. The new guys are putting in the final windowpanes while their coworkers stand around trying to look busy as we write this.

Mallrats of the Xela, celebrate: no longer do you have to take a crowded micro all the way out to Walmart to stare at your phone in the food court and gossip about boys. Now, you only have to get out to La Democracia. Gallo, we’re sorry: your ugly Christmas tree is no longer the brightest, tallest, or gaudiest abomination to tower over 4a Calle. We hope everyone remembers to drink your pisswater anyways.

Is Xelawho happy about this? Good question. Having an English-language cinema within walking distance of Zone 1 will literally change our lives, as well as our movie section – we may have to review films that are “good,” instead of the worst things dubbed into Spanish that we can find, which could change the whole editorial direction of the magazine.

On the other hand, the fawning coverage in Voz de Xela, Prensa Libre, and other publications makes us roll our eyes – if the future of this town is a bunch of sleek, soulless towers packed with retail that 95% of the population can’t afford, we might as well all move to the capital.

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