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XelaWho by Issue

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November 2008 Issue: Who Will It Be?

This November 4, the U.S. will exercise its democratic right to choose thenov08cover next president. The “winner” gets the task of tackling some serious messes: an economic crisis, an unwinnable war, a broken health care system, and global climate change, to name the ugliest. Handing over the presidency in 2009 will be like handing one man a roll of paper towels and putting him in charge of cleaning every exhibit of a dirty, depressing zoo. My vote goes to the Brawny guy.

For anyone who is planning to watch the election coverage in Xela, the Democrats Abroad are coordinating a party at Los Chocoyos Cultural Center on Tues. the 4th at 8pm. Election coverage will be showing on the two big screens, unless that gets boring and someone starts channel surfing. Here’s your chance to loosen your tongue with a few drinks, engage in some lively political banter, place bets on your favorite swing states, and celebrate the end of the Bush Administration. The Democrats Abroad are a partisan organization, so they reserve the right to charge Republicans a cover, or maybe even hire a bouncer to mess up their conservative hairstyles, deny them entry, and gruffly push them in the direction of Dos Tejanos.

If everyone at the Democrats Abroad gathering is cheering for the same team, then that decreases the chance of heated exchanges becoming raucous bar fights during the commercial breaks. Instead, conditions would be ripe for mob mentality. In the case of a Democratic win, be prepared for victory riots in the streets and the hijacking of Guatemalan firecrackers to set off. In the case that Obama the Riveter fails to rivet, there may be mass suicide by Kool-Aid or mass expatriation to Xela.

Once all this election hype is over, we can return to the choices that really matter. For example, which is the hottest salsa dancefloor on a Wednesday night? Who makes the best cup of coffee in Xela? And finally, where is the best bar to get repeatedly hammered and forget about the structural and endemic global problems that laugh in the face of any one person brave enough to confront them?

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