Here at XelaWho, we take our half-assed journalism very seriously.. Which is why we spend five minutes a month searching for news you can barely use.
Rome, Italy – A group of would-be bandits tried to escape Italian police while robbing a clothing store posing as store mannequins. The three amigos, aged 78, 70 and 55 almost got away with the heist but for one of them sneezing, blowing their cover.
Silverton, USA – 1:32pm December 17, 2012 – Police report, theft: Inflatable snowman stolen.
Pyong Yang, North Korea – A crack team of scientists has finally solved the age old question that everyone asks themselves at one time or another… do unicorns really exist? The answer is yes, apparently. The North Korea team recently found a large rock with the inscription “unicorn lair” on it in a temple built in the Tongmyongan dynasty. The king supposedly kept a stable of unicorns about 2300 years ago.
Somewhere, England – A 13-year-old school boy was sent home to shave. Having shaved since the ripe age of 9, the boy grew a moustache to raise money for the Movember cancer awareness campaign. The school said that this move was unfair to his classmates who were, surprisingly enough, not able to participate.
Somewhere else, England – A local barmaid, Emma-Louise Hodges, 28, has changed her name to the much catchier combination of 14 of the Bond girl names, “Miss Pussy Galore Honey Rider Solitaire Plenty O’Toole May Day Xenia Onatopp Holly Goodhead Tiffany Case Kissy Suzuki Mary Goodnight Jinx Johnson Octopussy Domino Moneypenny”.
Chicago, USA – The FBI is still searching for one of two escapee convicts who managed to scale 20 stories down a makeshift rope to escape from a inner-city high rise jail in downtown Chicago.
Ploughkeepsie, USA – “Whatever” has slipped in opinion polls of the most annoying word in English. While “whatever” is still on top, “like” and “you know” are fast catching up as the words most likely to piss off your friends and co-workers.