What to do With 10-Centavo Coins

By Steve Mullaney

Nobody likes the diez centavos de quetzal coin. This is a coin whose primary function is to give a big “screw you” to the recipient. “Didn’t bring exact change to my microbus? Well, here are seven unspendable coins in change. Have a nice day, jerk off,” thinketh the ayudante. Thereupon, your seven pinky-nail-sized coins fall out of your hand, or go through a hole in your pocket. Later that day, as you try to dig them out, all you find is a handful of lint.

The construction of this moneda calls into doubt the stability of the Quetzal. I mean, how are you able to trust a monetary system that makes a coin that appears to be made out of tin foil, cannot buy a spoonful of rice, and yet is seemingly everywhere?

Clearly, the Guatemalan government does not want you to be using this coin as currency. The only logical explanation is that they wanted to give you something handy, but needed to disguise it as a coin so as to avoid the appearance of a handout in violation of CAFTA rules. What are the true uses for the Q0.10 coin? XelaWho investigative journalists uncovered the following:

Prop up a wobbly bed. Chances are you’ve had to sleep in a bed that had one leg shorter than the other three. This is by design; the “Wobbly Bed Lobby” exerts undue influence over the government. Shoving a couple of coins under the offending leg will have you asleep pronto.

Ammo. Did some guy yelling “TAMALES DE LA COSTA!” just wake you up at five in the morning? A slingshot plus a handful of Q0.10’s will serve as a reminder that waiting until the sun is up to hock street food is a courtesy owed to all.

Vitamin supplements. The coin is easy to swallow for a reason—given the importance of a balanced diet there is a need for iron supplements, which can be found in the Q0.10 coin. In a similar vein, cocaine supplements can be found on most Q5 bills.

Stick ‘em up your nose. OK, it’s not a good reason, but the person who can fit the most in their nasal cavities totally wins a free liter of beer.

Ensure better customer service. Threatening to pay with a baggy of Q0.10’s will get any surly waiter into line – especially if the baggy once held honey.

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