Tis the Season… for terrible Christmas jokes

And so here we are again, everyone’s favourite month of the year has finally arrived for 2013. Fortunately, we don’t have to worry about the world coming to an end on the 21st of December again this year, so we can dedicate all of our energies this month to eating mountains of food (and then promising to diet / exercise after the holidays), drinking far too much alcohol, leaving our Christmas shopping until the last minute, listening to the same 20 Christmas songs at least 50 times each and, of course, telling the most cringeworthy of jokes to each other during our Christmas parties.

Here at XelaWho we’ve had a very busy month opening up hundreds of Christmas crackers looking for the very best (/ worse) of Christmas jokes to bring to our readers so they can confidently win “the most cringeworthy joke award” at their Christmas parties. So without further ado, let us begin:





Why was Santa’s little helper feeling depressed? He had low elf-esteem.

What’s the most popular Christmas wine? ‘I don’t like Brussels sprouts!’

What goes oh oh oh? Santa walking backwards.

Two snowmen standing in a field, one says to the other “here, do you smell carrots?”

What’s the difference between snowmen and snowladies? Snowballs.

Where do mistletoe go to become famous? “Holly” wood!

I’ve just got my son a flat piece of cardboard for Christmas. Although what he wants with an ex-box I’ll never know.

Who is Santa’s favorite singer? Elf-is Presley!

Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing? They always drop their needles!

Why did the turkey join the band? Because it had the drumsticks!

How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas? Fleece Navidad!

Did you know that Santa’s not allowed to go down chimneys this year? It was declared unsafe by the Elf and Safety Commission.

What do you call a blind reindeer?  No eye deer.

What is a female elf called? A shelf.

What’s ET short for? Because he’s only got little legs.


In the interest of not giving our readers permanent facial damage after all the cringing they’ve been doing after reading these jokes, here’s a couple more adult-themed ones thrown in for good measure. Those easily offended look away now!

Why doesn’t Santa have any children? He only comes one a year, and that’s down the chimney.

Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

Why is Santa so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

Why are women’s breasts like the train sets kids get for Christmas? Because they were originally intended for the children but the fathers wants to play with them.

How are a Christmas tree and a priest alike? They both have ornamental balls.

Why is Rudolf the Reindeer’s nose red? Because he ate a grilled cheese sandwich.


Ok, so we may have made that last one up. But for some extra Christmas entertainment, try dropping that one during a Christmas joke-telling session, laugh hysterically like it’s the funniest joke you’ve ever heard and then sit back and watch the fun unroll as people try in vain to figure out why the non-existent punch line is so evidently hilarious.

Merry Christmas all!


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