Love On the Road

by Adam Garrett-Clark

XelaWho knows full well romance abroad can be hard. Most scenes are a complex labyrinth of soul searching young people milling about an exotic culture surrounded by breath taking scenery. We know its tough. Por eso, we gathered up Xelas reigning sexperts, romancedors and capitans of the cama in our offices to discuss the finer points of backpack bonding over a pitcher of horchata and panza strips. Heres what we came up with:

1) Manage your Portfolio
Make an effort to limit your number of partners to between 3 and 5; anything beyond that will overspread your time and energy. When reviewing potential candidates aim for someone planning to leave before you. Sending a lover off can be a great way to stock up on guidebooks, water purifiers, extra ciporal pills and spare quetzals. Those who plan to have multiple liaisons should choose people departing Guatemala at the same time if possible; this will save you time and money on buses and hotels at the capital when you say your goodbyes.

2) The L-bomb: to drop or not to drop
Connections in transit can get hot and heavy quick. The word love, however should be used sparingly, to preserve its specialness. The panel warns against its use. When the feeling strikes, try using a substitute word in its place, in Spanish perhaps. I secretar you, for example. (Conjugation will only obscure the meaning).

3) Balls Rolling
Once the typical questions and responses are exhausted (whats your name etc.), and you find yourselves running out of things to say to each other, good conversation topics include: Comparing venereal diseases, expounding on the merits of your favorite mental disorder and why you can identify with it and detailed recounts of your respective romantic histories (note: This will only be effective if the history is particularly prolific).

4) Despedirse
Whether you want to pursue the relationship further or end it there, our experts advise the same approach. At the moment of separation its best to be as vague, open ended and unclear as possible. This is also a good rule to employ in all stages of your encounters abroad.

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