December 2009 Issue: Dreaming of a (Less) White Christmas

Despite the lack of snow in Xela, whiffs of a 2009-53-december-coverwhite Xela Christmas are percolating in from everywhere as the holiday craze gears up. Gallo’s faux blonde reindeer girls prance at every event starting November 1st.  Pale, pasty white (albino Mayan?)  Santa Clauses take gift orders at La Pradera shopping center. The cheesily cheery children in the Tigo ads (really sun-starved Scandinavians from Minnesota) enjoy all the fun unwrapping gifts of the hottest gadgets of the season.

Meanwhile we at XelaWho think that dark-featured versions of botoxed models, plump Santas and picture-perfect child models are every bit as attractive as their ubiquitous lighter skinned counterparts.  Hence the handsome moreno Santa on the cover. As long as someone is going to cash in on the season, shouldn’t it be someone who actually looks like 95% of the population?

Furthermore, in case you haven’t noticed, we’re a bit on the churlish side. Since no big media conglomerates will break the “Non-Caucasians Shall Not Appear in the Media Act” of 1974, then we consider it our journalistic duty to do so.  We must certainly be careful, though, because although every other Guatemalan law goes unenforced, there must be a well-funded media police that does a 100% effective job of keeping any moreno from appearing in the media or in public displays of influence or beauty. If you’re reading this, media police, good luck because XelaWho doesn’t have an office. For all you know, we could be publishing from our offshore tax haven in Belize. (Hmm, we may be on to something here.)

On a less satirical note, we truly hope you enjoy your holiday season here in Xela.  Despite the entrenched inequities, holidays here are spectacles. We advise you to take your nap on Christmas Eve day because Guatemalans party all night and then go out starting around at Midnight to share Christmas hugs/kisses/greetings with family and friends. You can relax on Christmas Day. Also, don’t eat any tamales before Christmas because Guatemalan moms make batches of special ones, enough to last the entire armed forces for weeks. They’re tasty but that otherwise gag-inducing Telepizza will be lookin’ good by the 27th.

Happy Holidays from your friends at XelaWho!

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