Why Is This Popular: XelaWho
By Steve Mullaney
When not being used as emergency toilet paper or thrown about at the park as weapons during the monthly “Emos vs. Punks XelaWho Battle” (generally occurring on the last Thursday of the month at 3 PM, but realistically starting at 3:20 or so) we have become aware of a certain amount of popularity related to the magazine itself.
As in, its content, and not it’s ability to absorb fecal matter or smack an emo kid about the face and neck. Your team of editors and columnists has compiled the following list of reasons why we are the #1 Xela-exclusive English Language monthly magazine for arts and culture.
1) We are the only Xela-exclusive English Language magazine for culture and nightlife. Well, well, when you create your own categories that exclude everyone except for yourself it turns out that you end up as the big dog/only dog on the block. Hooray for us. But, before you roll your eyes you should know that we did beat out all the other competitors in this particular category and for that we are most proud.
2) We know which places are actually open and rockin’ and which closed three years ago. If you’re looking at an old, old guidebook you might be tempted to go to, say, Bohemio’s Bar or First Look Bookstore. We recommend you go to neither because they’ve both been shuttered for years. Meanwhile, Clinicas Dentales Profesionales, (see ad) is very much still open. So, if you were deciding whether to spend your last few Quetzales at one of the three abovementioned businesses you should go to the dentist. Because they’re still open.
3) Namedropping us immediately makes you 150% sexier than you already are. Want to pick up someone at the bar/disco/Spanish School Friday Night Dinner? Just mention how you read an article in the XelaWho and watch your intended’s heart swoon with attraction. You have officially become that much cooler for referencing the magazine of record and you are on a path towards true love. Mega extra points if you are referencing this article in some sort of meta-reference. If that’s the case then just break out the wedding invites right now because you are a true matador.