World in Briefs: More News, Less Reading

Here’s the nutty news for October, 2010.  Among other things, haggis-flavored chocolates have finally come into their own.

United States

Fearing that a warrant might have been issued against him, Roy Spottedbird Jr. gave the police a fake name when he was pulled over in a traffic stop. What he could not explain, however, was why the name “Roy Spottedbird Jr.” was tattooed on his neck.  Spottedbird was arrested and charged with obstruction of justice to which he eventually pleaded guilty. Incidentally, he was wrong about the warrant—nothing of the sort had been issued against him at the time.

Scotland

Vegetarians who have always wanted to enjoy haggis (sheep’s stomach boiled with other organs and accompanied by oatmeal, suet, onions and various spices) will now have the opportunity. Edinburgh-based chocolate confectioner Nadia Ellingham is now marketing a brand of “haggis chocolates” which are fortunately meat free but contain the familiar mix of “haggis spices”. The chocolates were originally created for a community dinner, but were so popular that Ellingham has begun to sell them commercially. No word if a lutefisk chocolate is coming soon.

Mauritania

“Rolling layers of fat” is considered to be the height of sexiness in this small African country, and an industry of “professional force feeders” has sprung up in response to the demand of parents to have obese daughters. Such feeders can earn upwards of $200 per patient—a princely sum in this highly impoverished nation. Some girls rebel against this practice, but others embrace the force feedings.  Says one “Once I realized the power I had over men, I enjoyed being fat.”

Vanuatu

Members of the Yaohnanen tribe on Vanuatu’s island of Tanna consider Great Britain’s Prince Phillip to be their true ancestral god. According to prophecy, Prince Phillip was supposed to return to the island for good on his 89th birthday—however the prince has remained in Britain (he has, however, kept in touch via letter). Taking the place of the prince for a formal ceremony was Scottish university student Marc Rayner (there teaching English) who in honor of the occasion was made to wear a formal penis sheath appropriate for such events.

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