Why is This Popular?

Talking about Bowel Movements           

by Steve Mullaney

At a dinner party with strangers it is considered to be in poor taste to talk about politics, religion, or the size/frequency/consistency of your bowel movements. That final suggestion does not seem to apply to Xela, however, as it seems that most anyone toting a backpack and a travel guide is intent to explain to me their intestinal history over the past two weeks. Do I empathize with you and your plight? Certainly. Do I want to hear another story about the effect of frijoles on the amount of toilet paper that you use? No. No, I do not. However, in an attempt to practice good journalism, this WITP lets loose about why folks share about being unable to let loose.

1) Run out of things to talk about at Spanish class. You have covered weather (rainy, it sucks), favorite foods (anything except frijoles, they suck) and your favorite color (clearly not brown) endlessly over the past week or so. Might as well get in to other topics such as bowel movements. Then, you might as well practice your Spanish with anyone who crosses your path. You know, just to reinforce what you have learned.

2) Really, really rusty at pick-up lines. Just out of a long-term relationship? If so, then you are probably not used to having to pick people up at the bar/disco. If you happen to say something about ‘coming back to my place’, then just be discrete. No need to describe how every five minutes you will need to run to the can.

3) You are presidential candidate Sandra Torres. Clearly, the first lady’s campaign is hitting something of a snag recently. Not only is she polling in a distant second place, but Torres recently confounded political commentators with a recent press conference where she answered a question about job creation with a fifteen-minute anecdote about the aftermath of ‘that one time [she] ate a churrasco at the bus station in Huehue’.

4) Practicing for your final exam. Let’s be honest: the real test of whether or not you can officially speak Spanish is if you can describe your symptoms to a doctor and get medicine that you are not allergic to. Best way to practice: sharing your bm’s with friends.

Might you have to talk occasionally about your bowels in Xela? Sure. Just not to me. As a general rule, unless you’re talking to someone wearing a white lab coat, it’s better to just keep it to yourself.

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