Why Is This Popular? — Nescafe

By: Steve Mullaney

There is good coffee, there is bad coffee, and there is Nescafe.  For those of you who haven’t been initiated, Nescafe is an instant coffee that produces a coffee-ish taste.  Only tolerable with at least three scoops of sugar, Nescafe is the reason why you want to ask “Es cafe de maquina?” to make sure that you do not get stuck drinking this slop. Why on earth is this so popular? (And no, it’s not 100% a ‘price’ answer…a number of good coffees are comparably priced).  This month’s WITP comes to you straight out of Vietnam…where most Nescafe actually comes from.

1) Nescafe is better than boiled Coca-Cola. Up until Nescafe hit the market, most folks had to cook Coca-Cola on the stove for a number of minutes to be able to get something approximating the same taste. Now, with Nescafe, you can get the same “hot Coke taste” that is apparently pretty popular around here.

2) A secret plot from the sugar industry. Because this is totally undrinkable without heaps and heaps of sugar, it only goes to show you that Azucar de Guatemala is actually behind the massive campaign to get Nescafe into Guatemalan households.

3) Your host family has run out of coffee, doesn’t have time to go to the store, and just filled the Nescafe jar up with sand. “What? The coffee tastes like water with sand in it?  Really? Well, why don’t you just let me add a half-kilo of sugar to your cup to make it taste like real coffee.

4) The Guatemalan people have been bewitched by a duende who is angry at a coffee finca owner. Until the duende (troll) is appeased, the entire country is forced into thinking that Nescafe is actually a tasty beverage. Our plan: either send him a princess to marry, or guess that his name is Rumplestiltskincito.

5) Sabotage. Nescafe employs a secret squad of spies to go around grocery stores and replace real coffee with Nescafe in shopping carts.  The most ingenious part is that you don’t realice what’s up until you’re back to your house.

The only defense against the Nescafe menace is to take matters into your own hands. Whether it’s spies, trolls or agents from the sugar industry now is totally the time for folks to rise up and demand that coffee taste good.

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